Wednesday, August 17, 2011

GLITTER WIZARD CONJURS A VIDEO/AWAKENS TUF E NUF

The blog has been hibernating for the past month or so. I'm sure the one person who reads the blog has noticed. I don't know who you are but you've probably been sitting on the homepage, manically refreshing, waiting for new content, hoping and praying like you're sitting at your Grandma's hospital bed waiting for her to wake up. Well Grandma's eye just twitched because TUF fav Glitter Wizard just put out a video!



So hey there one blog reader, after you're done watching that video 5 times and checking their upcoming tour dates (write those dates down you pothead) you can download the both epic and stoney TUF E NUF mixtape frontman Wendy Stonehendge summoned from a distant realm right here!

Monday, June 27, 2011

DAYWALKER SIGHTING #2

Daywalker Sightings is an older TUF E NUF blog series that actually really only has one entry. There is a really good reason for that, it's incredibly dangerous to photograph vampires. They don't like it. I think something about the way the iPhone camera works it's like a reverse mirror or some shit and can capture them to digital picture. I'm not a scientist so I shouldn't really speculate any further. Alls I know is that they still walk among us and you don't have to go to some homoerotic nightclub called "Death Guild" to see one. This particular toothy menace was riding the metro right next to me.



Too fearful for my own life I could only snap a quick picture off of his hand. Every nail sharpened like a razor. His gothy, mysteriously zipper-laden, oversized black pants held up by a demon belt.

If you find yourself in the precarious position of being in the presence of such a villain, take a picture and send it over to tufenufusa@gmail.com. I will be sure to post it and keep compiling a visual record that surely the survivors of the vampire holocaust will read in the future as they try to learn of a civilization long lost to the armies of the night.

Monday, June 13, 2011

THIS ELEPHANT


Is in a same-sex marriage. You can tell by the jewelery.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

SOLAR HITS


San Fransisco's own Glitter Wizard (fronted by the 100% TUF Wendy Stonehenge) invites you to let the sun and a magnifying glass be your lighter on their new epic record Solar Hits. Let their heavy doom-laden sound fill your lungs until you cough up blood and don't miss a chance to see them live. One of the best shows in the Bay Area (and beyond)!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

100% TUF - STUBBY



While training for combat on the fields of Yale University in 1917, Private J. Robert Conroy found a brindle puppy with a short tail. He named him "Stubby", and soon the dog became the mascot of the 102nd Infantry, 26th Yankee Division. He learned the bugle calls, the drills, and even a modified dog salute as he put his right paw on his right eyebrow when a salute was executed by his fellow soldiers. Stubby had a positive effect on morale, and was allowed to remain in the camp, even though animals were forbidden. When the division shipped out for France aboard the SS Minnesota, Private Conroy smuggled Stubby aboard. Discovered by the CO, Stubby was allowed to remain after giving him a salute. When the Yankee Division headed for the front lines in France, Stubby was given special orders allowing him to accompany the Division to the front lines as their official mascot. The 102nd Infantry reached the front lines on the 5 February 1918. Stubby soon became accustomed to the loud rifles and heavy artillery fire. His first battle injury occurred from gas exposure; he was taken to a nearby field hospital and nursed back to health. The injury left him sensitive to the tiniest trace of gas. When the Division was attacked in an early morning gas launch, most of the troops were asleep. Stubby recognized the gas and ran through the trench barking and biting at the soldiers, rousing them to sound the gas alarm, saving many from injury. Stubby also had a talent for locating wounded men between the trenches of the opposing armies; he would listen for the sound of English and then go to the location, barking until paramedics arrived or leading the lost soldiers back to the safety of the trenches. He even caught a German soldier mapping out the layout of the Allied trenches. The soldier called to Stubby, but he put his ears back and began to bark. As the German ran, Stubby bit him on the legs, causing the soldier to trip and fall. He continued to attack the man until the United States soldiers arrived. For capturing an enemy spy, Stubby was put in for a promotion to the rank of Sergeant by the commander of the 102nd Infantry. He became the first dog to be given rank in the United States Armed Forces. Later, Stubby was injured during a grenade attack, receiving a large amount of shrapnel in his chest and leg. He was rushed to a field hospital and later transferred to a Red Cross Recovery Hospital for additional surgery. When Stubby became well enough to move around at the hospital, he visited wounded soldiers, boosting their morale. By the end of the war, Stubby had served in 17 battles. He led the American troops in a pass and review parade and later visited with President Woodrow Wilson. He visited the White House twice and met Presidents Harding and Coolidge. Stubby was awarded many medals for his heroism, including a medal from the Humane Society which was presented by General John Pershing, the Commanding General of the United States Armies. He was awarded a membership in the American Legion and the Y.M.C.A. When his master, J. Robert Conroy, began studying law at Georgetown University, Stubby became the mascot of the Georgetown Hoyas. He died in 1926.

Source

Saturday, May 21, 2011

NOTORIOUS Z.I.G.

No one speaks more to arbitrary injustices and the perils of modern life more than Biggy. Whether it's selling crack cocaine on the mean NY streets as a teen, attending parties with the intention of finding a lady to give birth to his children, or merely just spending time with his pets and quandering the non sequiturs of life one thing is certain - you don't need pants.

So wear this shirt as it was intended to be worn, pants-less and proud.



BUY

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

TUF TAPE #2

Summer is here and so is TUF TAPE #2. This installment sets your cruise control to "smooth" as Tuf friend DJ Rick Moranis(Sarah D) makes easy listening easy to listen to. Soft at times, hard at times but never so hard as to harsh your mellow. Like Susan Dey in a leather jacket. So break out the leisure wear, heat up the fondue pot, and invite your swinger neighbors over and hope they bring coke. This summer is going to be soft and easy.



Tuf E Nuf Mixtape Vol II by tufenuf
Listen in your browser or download it for keepers.

Tracklisting -

Ozark Mountain Daredevils - If You Wanna Go To Heaven
Little River Band - Reminiscing
Clout - Feel My Need
Nicolette Larson - Lotta Love
Al Stewart - Time Passages
Toto - I'll Supply The Love
Blue Oyster Cult - Burnin' For You
'Eagles Of Death Cab' Interlude - Big Lebowski
Kenny Loggins ft. Stevie Nicks - Whenever I Call You Friend
Climax Blues Band - Couldn't Get It Right
Cecilio And Kapano - Goodnight and Good Morning
Firefall - You Are The Woman
'Kiss & Co' Interlude - Detroit Rock City
Bee Gees - Love You Inside Out
Peabo Bryson - Minute By Minute
Seawind - Love Him, Love Her
Robbie Dupree - Steal Away
'Wide Interload' - Boogie Nights
Walter Egan ft. Stevie Nicks - Magnet And Steel
Ace - How Long
Player - Baby Come Back
'Trippin' Interlude - Detroit Rock City
Rupert Holmes - Answering Machine
'Pussy Song Reference' - The Stoned Age
'All The Ol' Dudes' - Big Lebowski

If you're Tuf in SF you can catch Sarah (DJ Rick Moranis) every 2nd Friday over at Pop's Bar for her set Be Excellent To Each Other and every so often at the soft rock night Sailing every Monday at Doc's Clock.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

TIME TO DIE

In the cold, indifferent eyes of the multiverse you are merely a passing moment clawing for meaning. A spider in a bathtub. Control is an illusion created by your frightened mind. Death rolls the dice alone and no matter how many times he does the number remains the same. Now, you could let this soul-crushing existential notion put a noose around your neck OR you could just suck it up, buy this shirt, and wait it out like everyone else -



I chose the first option this morning but then had some coffee, felt much better, and put on my DIE shirt. Time to roll the rock up the hill again.


BUY

Friday, May 6, 2011

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

PENTALFGRAM





If you think about it long enough it makes sense. He is from another world, (attempts to) sacrifices animals, irritates a suburban white family to no end, and has a goat like head. Alf is the Antichrist. You don't have to be David Icke to make the connection. You just have to be really really high. Like John is pretending not to be in this picture-



So when the Rapture comes and you don't get invited make your new overlord happy by wearing his face on a shirt. Get it HERE

Monday, April 25, 2011

Friday, April 22, 2011

SHITTY GRAFFITI



Report all bad graffiti to the authorities. Help keep toys off the train!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

100% TUF - LT. COL. JOHN MALCOLM THORPE FLEMING "JACK" CHURCHILL

Lt. Col. John Malcolm Thorpe Fleming "Jack" Churchill AKA "Mad Jack" was 100% tough as nails. A true Ambadassador of Badassery whose legacy is a reminder that while I try my best not to get cheetos dust on my xbox controller there are real men in the world storming beaches and cutting the heads off enemies of the free world. Mad Jack was one of those men, despite being British.



He was an English soldier who fought the entirety of WWII armed with a longbow, arrows, and a claymore. He was quoted as saying, "Any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed."

A motherfucking claymore!


While not too busy being The Highlander he jammed his fist into the cornhole of the enemy more than a few times. Here are some examples.

In May 1940, Churchill and his men ambushed a German patrol in France. Churchill gave the signal to attack by shooting the enemy sergeant with an arrow and killing him. That is some serious LOTR action. He was the only known British soldier to have slain an enemy with a longbow in the course of the war. After that he volunteered for the Commandos, even though he didn't know what that would mean, just because it sounded dangerous.

In Norway, 1941, he led a raid on a German camp. As the doors of the armored vehicle opened, Churchill jumped out playing The March of the Cameron Men on bagpipes, threw a grenade, and began running towards the enemy lines. For that display of juevos mas grande he was given the Military Cross and Bar.

1944, Yugoslavia. Jack threw together a makeshift army of 1,500 Frenchmen and 40 commandos for another attack on the German offensive. Predictably, the French decided not to leave the bunker. Undeterred, Jack and his 40 commandos soldiered on only to be met with a barrage of German cannon fire. A mortar shell killed or wounded everyone but Churchill, who was playing "Will Ye No Come Back Again?" on his pipes as the Germans advanced. He was knocked unconscious by grenades, captured and sent to a concentration camp. One fine morning in that camp our man drank a heaping cup of "fuck this" and crawled under the barbed wire fence and through an abandoned drain to make his escape. After walking 150 miles to Verona, Italy he met an American regiment and joined the ranks.

Soon the bomb was dropped in Hiroshima and the war abruptly ended. This made everyone happy except the nazis, the Japanese, and good ol' Jack Churchill who commented, "If it wasn't for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years!"

There has got to be some scientific study about the correlation between being bat shit insane and having gigantic balls. This guy would be exhibit A in that study.

Here's a picture of him storming a beach-

Take a closer look-


I can barely ask a girl for her phone number let alone play the bagpipes in the face of death. Lt. Col. John Malcolm Thorpe Fleming "Jack" Churchill has done both. Maybe when WWIII roles around I will man enough to break out the broadsword and storm Pakistan while playing The Final Countdown on my keytar. I can dream at least.

Monday, April 18, 2011

GAME OF I WANNA BONE THIS SHOW



Game of Thrones is HBO's latest offering to the gods of good television and they better be happy. Someone over here (hint: me) is pretty slutty for medieval times so when I caught wind that George R.R. Martin's highly popular fantasy series, A Song of Fire and Ice, was being made into a show my panties dropped faster than a drunken prom date. But, being disappointed is something I'm used to (I could summon another prom based metaphor) so I didn't want to get my hopes up. I've been in an abusive relationship with Showtime's handjob of a show, Camelot, for something like 4 episodes. Game of Thrones was the show that was going to rescue me from my dreary life, take me out to dinner, tell me I'm pretty, and make gentle love to me by a fire. I can gladly say that while our relationship is only 1 episode deep, and I don't wanna jinx anything, things are looking good.



I won't bother to get all detaily about the thing but Sean Bean plays the main character Ned Stark, there are at least 3 beheadings in the first 20 minutes, and the medieval babe scene is thick. If you made an animated gif of a beheading by sword, horse riding, boobs, and castles I would declare it a piece of art. This is like that gif but for over an hour. It's also a well written, well cast, beautifully shot, and really engaging show. Sundays on HBO. They should send me a check.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

100% TUF - JOUBERT DUQUESNE

Joubert Duquesne, aka The Black Panther, was a South African soldier turned international spy who, despite being an asshole, is one of history's most bad-ass dudes. The record may not reflect so but the phrase, "you just can't make this shit up", was first used to describe his life. Thoroughly wronged by a man named Lord Kitchener he let his hate guide him through one of the most seriously fucking epic revenge stories of all time.



Born to farmers in Cape Colony, 1877, Joubert went to University in London at the age of 17. After the Second Boer war broke out in 1899, Joubert returned to his native South Africa to join the Boer commandos. Injured in battle and captured by the British he was sent to a concentration camp in Portugal. While there he seduced the daughter of a guard who helped him escape to Paris. From France he traveled to England and under a false identity joined the British army and in 1901 got posted to South Africa. During his time in the British army he passed through his childhood home of Nylstroom and saw that his family's farm was scorched to the ground, his sister was murdered, and his mother was sent to a concentration camp. All under the orders of Lord Kitchener.



From that point on he would dedicate his whole life to destroying the British at any cost.

As a British officer he returned to Cape Town (where Kitchener was stationed at the time) to enact his revenge, formed a 20 person espionage ring, and began sabotaging military installations. After being betrayed by a cohort's wife he was sentenced to death. The other 20 people in his ring were executed by firing squad but Joubert was given life in prison for giving up secret Boer codes (they were fake). He was sent to another prison only to escape again. At this time, now officially spying for the Germans, he made his way up to Scotland where Lord Kitchener was on his way to negotiate with Russia. By planting time bombs on the the HMS Hampshire, Joubert tastes the fruit of sweet revenge as Kitchener and his entire crew are killed in the explosion. For that he is awarded the Iron Cross. After a short stint in a prison in Bermuda the son of a bitch escapes yet again, this time high-tailing it to NYC where he landed a gig writing for the New York Times as a travel correspondent. There he fakes his death by writing his own obituary in which he is killed by Amazonian natives trying to steal his treasure. Joubert Duquesne disappears.

Resurfacing later he is arrested for another crime and spends two years in prison. In that prison Joubert faked being paralyzed so he can be sent to a low-security section. He maintained this act for two years. HE FAKED BEING PARALYZED FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS before finally getting a chance to escape. Somehow he cut the bars off a window in the hospital ward, jumped to a nearby building, climbed a six-foot wall, a fence with eight-foot iron spikes and fled. He disappears again.

Years later and never one to let bygones be bygones, the super-human Duquesne came out of hiding to cash in on another opportunity to fuck with the British, World War II. Joining the Nazis he formed one of the most infamous spy rings in history, the Duquesne Spy Ring, which went down in the books as the largest espionage ring ever broken up in U.S. history.


(He's in the upper-right)

Taken down by Hoover's FBI the 64 year old super-spy served 13 years in prison before dying on May 24, 1956 at the age of 78.

During his trial, Duquesne claimed that his actions were aimed at the UK as revenge for the crimes done to his people and his country during the Second Anglo-Boer War.

SEXY SUNDAY

Thursday, March 10, 2011

GET TUF

A window into the future has been opened. A future, distant yet inevitable, where TUF E NUF is more than just the most important blog in the history of the internet multiverse.

The TUFS at TEAM have added our logo shirt to their webstore.





Jump on the TUF train now so later on you can be a condescending prick about how you "liked that brand like 10 years ago" when you see some 12 year old kid at a suburban skatepark wearing a TUF shirt.

And speaking of Team and shirts that slay, check out the write-up at BOOOOOOOM featuring the Beiber Slayer shirt!

Monday, February 28, 2011

MY WHIP IS GETTING PROPER

Ballin on a budget.. I just add shit as I can afford it. Had my homie hook up the ill pinstripe in exchange for a little bit of weed.. I LIKE! See ya at the farmers market yall.