Thursday, June 17, 2010


Mac and Me is more than a movie, it's a film. A film ripe with social commentary about many contemporary issues facing our country today. Issues like immigration, racial harmony, and our destructive consumer culture. I will do my best to ignore these issues and try to enjoy this delightful movie.

The movie opens on the mysterious red planet Mars where some aliens wander a barren, rock and dust, landscape reminiscent of Afghanistan but without the goats.

These aliens are super fugly. They troll around naked sucking some kind of space juice out of the ground with weird straws. They have shit-brown, flabby, pot-bellied bodies which makes me think they might have been kicked off a nicer planet, with a "no-fuglies" policy, for being disgusting.

A mineral gathering Mars rover lands and catches the attention of an alien family.

They investigate by throwing rocks and poking it with sticks. Their highly intelligent scientific method gets them all sucked into the rover through a vacuum. The rover decides it's had enough of this bullshit and takes off back to Earth.

The alien stowaways are intercepted by the intergalactic border patrol, NASA, but manage to escape detention by exploding some walls.

During the escape one of the alien children is separated from the family. He (not actually sure of sex because these aliens have no genitals. Trust me, I was looking) crawls into a van and immediately starts sucking down a Coke.

His parents wander a desert wasteland and start to put on clothing. The cultural assimilation begins right away.

The van our little alien buddy crawled into belongs to the Cruises. A family consisting of a mother, a super horny skateboarding teen, and a young, bright-eyed, budding homosexual, no-walking cripple in a wheel chair named Eric. They're on the road to a new life in southern California.

They arrive at their new home and Mac is spotted getting out of the van by the Native American who lives across the street. Who is probably kind of pissed because she's had enough problems with all the whites moving into the neighborhood.

The Cruise family settles into their new home that doesn't have any stairs and has huge closets. Perfect for our little nancy cripple Eric. Thanks mom!

As the boys unpack zany things start happening. Older brother spots Mac in the hallway but because of a combination of dirty sunglasses and pure stupidity, thinks he is seeing things and brushes off the alien sighting.

Little Eric is only slightly smarter and after he's able to watch The Snorks on an unplugged tv his suspicions are aroused. But only his suspicions, as he is crippled from the waste down.

After following a trail of muddy alien footprints to the backyard, and with the aid of the tracking skills possessed by the Native American neighbor, Eric knows something is afoot, and it's not him.

Mac watches the family move in from the outside like a little Dickens-esque scamp and gets all emo on us.

So during the night he decorates the place in a kind of midwestern style in an attempt to bridge the cultural gap.

Mom gets really pissed off and blames Eric. Upset, Eric wheels himself outside for a cry. While attempting to pick some lovely flowers on a hillside to sooth his effeminate heart his brakes give out and he rolls down a hill, off a fucking cliff, and into a lake!

Luckily for Eric our buddy Mac is on the scene and quickly jumps in and saves the day! HOORAY!

Needless to say, no one but the Native American girl next door believes Eric that there is a little alien creature running around. Mom is too distracted by her poor life choices and her youngest son's near death experience. Older brother Michael, as well as myself, are too distracted by Courtney, the babe next store who works at McDonald's and has a slammin' bod.

Where E.T. failed, Mac and Me delivers. This movie turns into perhaps the most watchable series of moving frames ever to hit the screen! Having Courtney walk into my life, with her big hair and tight pants, has a lot to do with it because you'll find yourself sitting though it just to see her again. But while you are you'll enjoy some madcap high-jinx like -

Car chases!

Elaborate disguises!

Break dance routines!


McDonald's party!

Death defying stunts!

Racial harmony!


Now I don't want to spoil anything but this movie will move you in ways you thought impossible, your heart will be warmer than it has ever been, and the ending will blow your mind harder than a psychic prostitute.

Mac and Me (and Courtney) is available for download at Cinemageddon and if sign-ups are closed and you need an invite contact us through our Facebook page and we'll hook you up.


  1. let's not forget that jackass soundtrack star,Bobby Caldwell, who made the panties of both men and women wet.
    During the scene where Mac is drinking a Coca-Cola, director Stewart Raffill comically holds up four $100 bills in the background. Assholes-where's my sequel?

  2. "We'll be back" my ass!